Born to Blossom, Bloom to Perish
Anyone who know me knows that from an early age of maybe 13 or 13 years old I use to collect magazine. Vogue, Vanity Fair, Entertainment Weekly, anything that had a photo spread that was unfarmiliar and cool to my green curiosity in photography.
Also, anyone who knows me knows No Doubt is the # 1 band of choice. It's a So-Cal loyality and a love for the emotion that is their lyrics and fun that was their ska!
Well one day Gwen Stefani, while promoting her first solo album, graced the cover vogue. Within this article they talk her fame, they talk her new knowledge of fashion, they talk her love but what grabbed my attention is they talked her process. Her process to writing a song.
Side note: I feel everything so I love music mainly for the heart and raw reality that is this vaulnerabilty That this artist is sharing with me.. And i react because I can relate. Some gets me, some said what I couldn't say.
So lyrics are my everything.
processs is next in line. The how to, the how I did, the step one... All the way to the detail of bringing an idea to fruition.. Is like ten Christmas days for my eyes and right brain. :)
So I read and read and then she said something... And I froze
Now in 2004 I was 24, my last year of college before getting my bachelors and going directly right into my first job in t.v and so on and so forth.
Now, when I started college i already felt "behind" not sure under who's standards but it became mine..
internal monologue " aj your going to be a 25 year old p.a that sad. I'm not being a p.a for the max 2 shows"
internal monologue "your graduating at 25 the kids around you are 18. WTF, do it get it all done quick.
I pushed and pushed and pushed and pressured and put myself down all for the sake of being a better me. A successful son who my parents and family can be proud of...
(Not sure where that aggressive tough love I gave myself came from but everything I disect - finger points back at me.
parents supported never pressured. School system held your hand but didn't look both way before crossing the street with you.. I had to do this this way and thats its.
Then the pressure got harder - where will have time for family, what about everything I want to do before i die. I have to graduate, work on these dream shows I have write and direct, I have to etc etc and the fear sat with the question how the fuck am I going to get this done.
And those lyrics looked back at me and when I read it - all that pressure and all that aggressive thinking to rest.. And when it came back up (the overthinker I am) those lyrics calmed me cause I'd always say them to myself.
It will get done. By who's clock? My own. This is the circle of life, this the formular for the inevitable and I can freak out on questioning HOW or I can chill the fuck out and just DO. Accept no matter what this is the end of the story - that's not changing. So just fucking blossom and bloom at everything I do and my story just gets more interesting.
Cut to 2010 and that safety blanket of lyrics helped me stay balanced it became time to do the dead and that tattoo those lyrics that practically saved me and kept me on focus and not stray cause of fear or doubt but let me stay in my head with the thought "aj you can only blossom. Option A" and so I did...
Thanks Gwen for my reality check that was inspired by your own reality check.
The vines that intertwine both lyrics were to connect all around my tattoos once Swag and I were done telling this story that we have collaborating on... For many years.
If your curious when these lyrics came alive in actually song.. First it was a b-side with no doubt
Then again on her first solo track, that discussed the pressure of Just being everything for everyone in time.