i to i; farwell to Farwell

i to I ; farwell to Farwell 

We are gathered here today,

To say our goodbyes. To morne.

Allow us, allow Me, to farwell

A final farwell, to my Farwell.  

My experience with Farwell was everything.

My life. My heart. My time. My joy. My pain. My yesterday.

That is, at least when my conscious ricocheted to my feelings, which then turned into toxic and self destructive actions and situations. 

Those acts and situations i speak of, now i see, were only things that everyone around me, who cared, saw and only assumed would be that thing that destroyed me. 

In every sense of the word. 

There is a lot in my head. 

Regarding what i think i want to say. 

Wash and repeat, wash and repeat... those actions acted. 

We danced. Chased. Fought. 

Resented. Blamed. Shamed. 

Guilted. Abused. Belittled and Bewildered. 

Fingers pointed and memories were lost.  

While arrows were shot, wounds were licked.

Healing wasn't part of that choreographed routine.

Just love. Or thought there of.  

I waited for the you to come back. 

I waited but never it came. 

All these verbs, nouns and adjectives are of non importance and the usage of this vocabulary is unnecessary because like any good dance there are two that tango. But also in any good dance only one can lead. And in our dance, there were two.  

Two leaders. 

Two different songs.

Only consistency was both our black and blues. 

But what my roots grabbed tightly was the you.  

Farwell, i love you. 

and i loved you.  

and i will always past and present that feeling. Even if the hurt my heart feels is the feeling of numb. 

Because you are gone.

 

It's been hard to adjust to the new, but i am doing.  

Functioning at times in daily common acts has been unsuccessful, but i am doing.

At times i have allowed the loss of you to become my handicap, but i am doing. 

 

 
For so long you were my higher power, my safety, while changing my life. In the Good or bad nothing is a regret but a memory, a etch in the stone in my journey that i would not take back.   

Farwell, you did the best you can with want you were capable of doing at that time. 

For that i sit in gratitude.   

Because Everything that it, we, us, you and i were, brought me to this place of freedom today.  

And for that i thank you.

For that i thank you for being you.  

Was the 'us' even real, considering? Yes. It was even in my delusional perspective. It was real, something of it was.   

Because through the powder, or the dust, the smoke, or that impact…in your eyes or mine. i believe i saw your soul and you saw mine.  

The epic.

Your caliber i will never meet a comparison too. 

So for that, that whole chapter,

Fuck it, the whole book. 

That is dedicated to you.  

Farwell, thank you for being you.

Farwell, thank you for the everything we had.

Farwell, thank you for sharing you with me.

With I.  

But Farwell,

farwell.  

 

 

aj moralesComment