so sure yea I've been sober/clean for one month and 15 days. Three cheers sure blah blah blah.  That's not me belittling the progress and the work I have done thus far on myself finally.. it is Amazing it is yes, gratitude fills my body my heart and soul.. that's obvious if you have seeen an photo of me in my many excerts of creative expression { or vanity moments } through any one of my dozen social media therapy platforms..... never would I devalue that...  but what shocks me more is the realization I had today... and this is what dumbfounded me and my realization of what I am actually capable of.. because there was a time when I never thought I could. And there was always doubt that I could. But today I realized i did and I can. 

The mystery I know.. its killing you... 

Ok so today I, anthony james, the man/ the boy-man whom only for a long time was exactly that but a man.. a man who has urges and a gang load of sexual curiosity. A man who began to believe that sex was and became my normal in almost all composite of my life.  When i used- the contents is which I used danced with my sexual experience.  Hand and hand. As though one was the dish and one was spoon and they both ran away together to go do it under the bleachers with every other utensil In the drawer.. over and over.. {that's how we get dirty dishes kids}. 



The moral of this family fairy tale, is yes I am grateful for my one month and 15 days of sobriety but I am truly shocked, proud, happy, sexually frustrated beyond words - 

that i have not had sex in one month and 15 days. And i feel.... I feel.  


my NO SEX chip was given and created by from my supportive mom.)




As a man, a man who is animalistic just like the next.

As a man with sexual urges, desires and cravings, just like the next.

 As a man who for a long time who only thought with his cock, just like the next. 

As a man who thought that's what love was, just like the next. 

As a man who thought that's all he was valued for, just like the next.

As a man who thought that's what defined him,  just like the next. 

As a man who only knew and believed that's what he was wanted for and only that, just like the next.

As man who didn't know his self-worth enough to know any better, just like the next.

As a man who's heart confused sex with love and added drugs to sex and only associated sex with drugs assuming that's real love, just like the next. 

As a man, who felt, numb, nothing, everything, lived in pain, shame, disappointment and confused all of those with "euphoria" , just like the next. 

Not a man but a boy pretending to be,  just like the next. 

but today, i can stand like a man. 

Finally, just like the next.   


aj morales3 Comments