RIGHT NOW IT BEGINS. IT BEING ME.
Right now is a time of something. Something that is only based and sourcing from something bigger then me. Change mainly.
Since i turned 30, when this shift began it has been years of determine and trying to figure out..well everything. My perspective began slowly to change and i guess saw things for what they were rather then what i thought they were? what i wanted it to be? what i saw they could be? maybe all three.. Either way it has been a very (prepare for cliche) eye opening and disheartening to learn and see.
I didnt have a miserable childhood, there was nothing there for me use as the excuse for why this is the way that is or whatever. But slowly over the last 5 years things happened and change was/has been occurring bringing to this place where i write these words at this moment.
That place being my parents in San Bernardino, the place I ran fast from when I was capable, wondering if a month from now i will keep my apartment that ive known as my home for 12 years, wondering if i will be back in the lines 'of the everyone' and applying for a seasonal job at TBD chain that who knows may become the new career. This decision that is only fulling emotions in my head that are of my own judgment. Failing, giving up, statistic, expected, FAILER, FAILED, QUITER.
I am unsure what to do but i continue to do this, this whatever its that im doing, I am seeing and learning and weighing all my options while trying my best to not throw in the towel...
Almost a month ago, things got real. More and more I was getting tired of swimming, tired of telling myself "everything will be ok."
Everything that follows are what i myself am experiencing on this journey of ultimately seeing.
Life is simple. it's only complicated as we make it.